Grateful...

"I had heard of You by the hearing of the ear, but now my eye sees You..." Job 42:5

"She thanks God she is still alive..."


"She thanks God for His protection..."


"She thanks God she had food for Christmas..."


"She thanks God she had friends to spend Christmas with for the first time since her husband died 15 years ago..."


"She thanks God for the financial miracle that she was able to go to her home village..."


"She prays for healing from worms..."


"She prays for protection from a man haunting her dreams..."


"She prays for safe travels for Rich and Robin..."


These are this morning's humble prayers of the women I have been privileged to spend the majority of my last 180 days with... Following the praises and prayer requests, one of the trainees gave a powerful teaching on Matthew 6: 25-34. This is a teaching that challenges me in the States- yet, I heard it in a new way as I listened to women speak on verses that read:


"²⁵ “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? ²⁶Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? ²⁷ Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

   ²⁸ “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. ²⁹ Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ³⁰ If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? ³¹ So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ ³² For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. ³³But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

And I think to myself... These are literally the true concerns of my friends here... They have legit reason to wonder day to day where their food will come from, how they will clothe their family- yet- as they shared- 

How would they be any different from their unbelieving neighbors if they did not trust God for these things?

So, each day- they praise God for the simple, yet necessary things of life, and they pray to him to provide for things that they need...

They have taught me much...

I have grown in my understanding of God and his provision while I have been here, but I have also become more aware of how far I have to go... I think that's good.

Most every trying, or difficult situation or circumstance that has happened here- I never could have imagined, prepared for, or anticipated.... And I think that's a good thing- because I probably would have talked myself out of coming- and I would have missed seeing the amazing ways that God meets me in that moment. When I truly am helpless, or unable to solve a problem on my own, and He brings me to the answer... sometimes after sweating it for awhile, sometimes in the exact moment I need it- but through all of it- God has been so, so good. 

The testimonies of the ladies I worked with... rocked my world. Challenged my idea of "hard," gave me a new appreciation and understanding for this population... Showed me what it means to truly rely on God... quite honestly, made my "challenges" here and in the US seem so petty...

I leave here in a week and a half... I leave behind a life with 13 Rwandan women, 4 guards, and many co-expats whom I will never forget. I leave behind people and things that have changed my life, but things that will change. People will come and go, Kigali will continue to change by the day; yet I leave taking with me what will never change- my assurance of God's love. My confidence that He will NEVER leave me or forsake me; the confidence that in whatever trials await my years ahead- I can face them with the Spirit of God in me. He never promised it would be easy.. and I don't think I'd be apt to tell you that my time here was "easy" or "fun"- but it was REAL. My time here burst the bubble of my American life understanding. I can say I am more than grateful for the opportunity and privilege to experience this- I wouldn't trade it- and I hope for more opportunities in the future... I think most of you would agree- it's the challenging times in life that grow us the most... Being more aware of my weaknesses, has in fact made me stronger- as I've relied on the strength of God...

The prayers of so many of you back home were a greater gift than I could ever have asked. Your encouragement, love, understanding, and patience with me as I have processed, and questioned so much in my time here- I thank you. Please continue to pray for the women of ABC... 

If I cross your path in the next few weeks, and appear overwhelmed, or teary, or possibly am unsure what to say... I thank you in advance for your grace and understanding. Reconciling our world back home, and the world I have lived in- while knowing God is over it all- will take some time. But I know this is one chapter of my life story, and there is more to come- just as every day in your life- whether it appears mundane, or you are overwhelmed, or you are on a mountaintop amazed at God's goodness- just remember- God is constant. God is good. We need not be anxious... He will meet us right where we are...

I am changed... I am grateful...

God Bless you all...

Poverty... More than a word.

I've been doing a lot of thinking about poverty lately... I'm living in a place where I certainly can't distract myself from it, so I guess it makes sense... I think that over the past 5 months, I've been discouraged at times at the enormity of the issue. I am reading a book right now that I am just in the beginning of, but I believe is going to help me get to the heart of the issue. It's called "When Helping Hurts" By Steve Corbett and Brian Fikkert.

So far, it has challenged me about my faith. It shares how Jesus came to the world to save us from our sins, and reconcile us to God- Yes. But there's more- He came because he needed to reconcile a fallen world... He came because there were the poor, brokenhearted, widows, orphans, sick, etc. who needed healing.
It doesn't take long to recognize that our world is fallen when you are living in the third world... To be honest, many see life in third world countries and ask- How can there be a God?
I, however, see it differently, I see the hurting around me and ask- How can there NOT be a God? See- this world on it's own, with no good news- would be torture. There would be no secure relief from suffering, there would be no healing, our hope in people would fail us, joy would simply be happiness- which would be circumstantial, and, well, here- there is very little circumstantial happiness- and people relying on themselves certainly fail one another.

When we rely on God, and His promises, however- a beautiful thing occurs that no circumstances can stifle...

Yesterday, I was privileged to go on a home visit to two of my ladies. One of them was very profound. I drove my Rwandese manager, Charlotte, and myself out to the village, and we were welcomed into the home of one of my ladies. She lives in a 6x8 room. No window, just a door opening. The roof is corrugated tin with holes in it from previous use of nail holes. While it was nice to let in some extra light, I could only imagine the frustration when the skies opened up in rain...
 When you entered the room, to the left was a twin mattress up on cinder blocks. She had a needle and thread pinned in the wall, toothbrushes wedges in a crack, a few pots and pans on the floor, and a few bags tacked to the wall which held her clothes.

We sat on the bed and she went outside to prepare a welcome meal. When she returned, she lifted the mattress and retrieved soap from the cinder block hole for us to wash our hands, we shared potatoes, plantain, fish, and fanta. It was a feast that likely cost her much... yet, this is the way...

She sleeps on the mattress with a girl she took in off the street. She showed me a grass mat that she sleeps on in the doorway, on the floor when she is able to host someone for the evening... Charlotte shared with me that many nights, she doesn't sleep, rather, she goes outside and prays all evening.

While this woman has LITTLE material blessings, and is living in poverty- this woman is evidence of God existing. If you could have been huddled in that room with me, you would not have been able to deny the presence of the Holy Spirit- of hope. See, Jesus was smart. He knew that he could only minister so far by being here on earth himself, so rather, he sacrificed himself for our sins, and gave us His Holy Spirit to live in those of us who'd accept it. This Spirit of God is in this 6x8 dwelling, due to the grace of God. While she lives in poverty- she has HOPE. She lives with Joy, and expectation- knowing her years here are temporary.

I think sometimes, that as Americans, we place so much value in things, and people- in what will not last, that we fail to rely on the Holy Spirit to bring us peace. I know I can trace my times of frustration, doubt, or anxiety to this as the root. Without Christ- we all have a poverty. One that this dear, sweet woman whom I am privileged to know- does not have to experience.

I don't wish for her life. I am humbled to say, I don't think I am strong enough. Yet, God meets her. As I type, I tear because I hear her singing coming from the kitchen of the shop... She knows where her hope is found...

We can have generous hearts and give all the material things we have to a world in need... But that would just band-aid the symptoms. This is a world that is longing for Hope- for Joy- for knowledge- for purpose... For Jesus. I thank Him that He has given me the opportunity to see more of His world in my time here. To see that what I have known, and based my reality and faith on in my 30 years- has been very small. God is not a God of circumstances. He sees a bigger picture. I believe He wants to work in us and through us to teach, to encourage, to pray, and to heal a world that is broken, that is in need. He's using this lady here in Rwanda, as well as many others despite their lack of material things. It's bigger than that. Poverty is not just about things- it's reminding people of their worth and ability in our Savior.

Keep praying, keep questioning, I know I will be... God has MUCH He longs to do through those of us who are willing... But it may not be in the way we think...

God Bless you all. Thanks for reading my thought journey, and your continued support and prayers.

Water...

Thinking back, I realize, I knew better- yet still the moment was profound. See, in Africa, water isn't as abundant as it is in America. Clean water, is a whole other story...
Most of you know this as well. But since the home I live in, and the shop I work at have water tanks (see left), it didn't affect me very much, so naturally, I didn't think about it very much... (Isn't that the sad reality for much of life...) Until one day, maybe my second month here, I went to wash my hands, and.... nothing. "Charlotte!" I called, "There's no water!"
"Yes." She calmly replied.
I looked at her blankly. She looked back at me.
"Is this normal?" I asked.
"Yes, well, sometimes," was her response.
She added- "In America, do you always have water?"
I stopped. Speechless. "Well yes," I replied- feeling somewhat foolish and guilty.
"Hm, not here," she said.

 Well, the good news is, (or the convenient for me news is) that the water tank, often still has water, even if it isn't coming from the faucets- we can get it outside. So, again, I lived my life seeing many others with a different reality, yet conveniently unaffected...

This is, until this past week. Three days ago the water stopped at the shop. And didn't come back. Yesterday, Charlotte called to have me bring water from home. I filled Jerry cans and was thankful to have a car to load them in- because for many- their day is lugging water....

And then I think again, how this water, which I either filter, boil, or bleach in order to keep me healthy, is the same water many struggle to get... and drink straight from the can... perpetuating illness...

When I get home, I am pretty certain that it won't take long for me to take hot water out of the faucet for granted... being able to drink water from the tap... or having a day free of the thought of how to get water, or ration water... expecting to have power every night... but at the same time, I hope I don't forget.  I hope I don't forget that I don't have to pray my students aren't forced to leave school to stay at home and provide the family with these basic needs... I hope I don't forget that there are so many who would be amazed by the convenience of a washer/dryer, or a dishwasher...

I hope I don't forget that on the rare occasion when these inconveniences do occur at home, that my life doesn't need to grow sour... The cheer in my ladies voices, the singing, the work ethic, despite challenges EVERY DAY, are truly awe-inspiring... They remind me that it's a time to help a neighbor, reach out to the community, grow together.

 I've seen this recently on facebook as people in my home state are struggling after a storm. Yet, among the posts, I see friends reaching out, offering their extra bedroom, a warm shower... businesses are opening doors for people... needs are being met. It makes me smile.

In the community I live in now, that is daily life...

In America... we have SO much. We truly are privileged- and I am grateful. I also pray, however, we remember humanity. We don't forget that the conveniences that have become expected (faucets, electricity, heat, air conditioning) aren't the norm... There are many people who face every day struggling for these basic needs.

I pray I remember that my neighbor is beyond the next house over...

I am grateful I have had the opportunity to come to this country of Rwanda twice now. The first time many of these photos were taken by my friend Leah Curran (http://www.unveilingphotography.com) 

Her smile is sneaking out... and it's beautiful.

The next ABC woman I am going to share with you about, is not a woman who made an impression on me right away- yet now that she has, her impression will last my lifetime.

She is around 40 years old, and she lives with her elderly mother in a relatively large home for her village neighborhood. At first glance, one might question- "is she truly a vulnerable woman?" Yet, as we in America can attest, material goods (and I am NOT at all saying she has a lot by our standards...) don't directly correlate with being in a good place.
This woman has a story that I hope I can communicate to you with the power it was communicated to me...

One morning, as we were doing devotions, the question was asked- "Has God done any miracles in your life?" Well, the stories started flowing one by one, but what amazed me, is that this typically quiet woman, was one of the first to share. What was translated to me has stuck with me for the past months...

She grew up in the neighborhood area of our shop. She was abandoned by her mother and raised by her father. Her father married another woman, then another, then another. There was no consistency in her home, and she spent much time with various "step-moms" who would come in and out of her home. This provided to be a very unstable childhood- with no role model to speak of.

As a teenager, she followed the example that she grew up in and slept around with many men. School was never encouraged for her (or paid for), so she had no education, or opportunity.

In 1990 she gave birth to her first son and then in 1992 she developed her most stable relationship, and had a second son. I am not sure how the relationship with this man ended. Yet, as it was 1994 when it did, I suspect the genocide. Her father was also killed in the genocide, leaving her with no men in her life. While this may seem sad, yet workable to our western minds, here in Rwanda, the loss of a male in your life lowers your "worth" in the eyes of your neighbors.

I also want to pause a minute and remind myself, as well as you- that the sentence "was killed in the genocide" is so much deeper than a sentence can communicate. This reality is that this woman lived through this horror. The nights of gunfire, the images of bodies in the streets, the concern that her husband or father would ever come home, and the stark reality that they didn't... The fear and distrust that something like this can grow in a person is something that I can't wrap my mind around. Yet, she faced the next day...

After the genocide ended, she reconnected with her mother and they began living together until 2005. It was at this time that she discovered she was sick with the AIDS virus and had to go into the hospital. She was sick and in a hospital bed for a full year. As the disease ravaged her body, she lost much weight, and at a frame of about 5'9" her weight of 25kg (55 lbs) made her skeletal.

In her most vulnerable time, all of her family abandoned her. Her children stopped visiting her as she was no longer able to recognize them. She had no one to love or care for her during this time as everyone she knew considered her "dead." She remembers losing all consciousness and not knowing if it was day or night. She lost hope during this time too. She'd experienced a life of instability, fear, rejection, and pain- now this? Why live any longer?

Around this time, a pastor from a local church was visiting the hospital and would come in and pray with her every week. He asked her if she believed that Jesus could heal her... that He was Lord of her life. She said yes. Yet, as her sickness continued she admits that she started to lose hope.

She shared that through this time, she is so grateful that while she started to lose hope, this Pastor, and ultimately God, did not lose hope in her... The pastor continued to encourage her that despite what she saw, not to lose faith- God could heal her.
She saw God's Love through this pastor, and wondered, what made him come every week?? She tried to hold onto his claims of God, and make them her own- despite how she felt.

At this point doctors had given up on her, so when she started to regain weight, and regain her health, everyone was astonished. Everyone, that is, except that Pastor. She knows it was God's healing hand, and as her weight increased and she got up to 50kg- the hospital released her.

As she returned to her village, people screamed at the sight of her- convinced she was a ghost, as her healing was impossible to them. Her healing became a powerful testimony among those who know her.

Now, where she amazes me most- is how her healing brought true life change. See, at her release from the hospital, she was confronted with her family again- her family who had abandoned her and left her to die. Her response is one that is so incredible, so like Jesus.

She took her mother into her home, her mother who'd abandoned her as a child, and re-abandoned her as an adult in her greatest need. She admits the relationship is a hard one, yet she is committed to caring for her and coming to a place of true forgiveness, which she seeks prayer for God's help with.

Upon her healing, she was still met with many challenges. She had no man in her life to help with provision. Her first job upon release from the hospital was doing laundry for a Rwandese family, where she had to walk many kilometers a day and was paid 50 cents a day... While she had the physical structure of a good home in the village- she still had AIDS, was exhausted, and would cry over how she could pay school fees, buy food, and provide for her mother on such pay.

She joined "Hope Group" which is a group that ministers to people suffering with HIV, and through Hope Group got connected to the women's training center- "African Bagel." She says that this opportunity has been a gift from God. Since joining ABC, she is growing in her confidence, her self worth, and can now pay school fees for her children, meet their physical needs, and has grown dramatically in her trust in the Lord. While she still remains a bit guarded and quiet (understandably) she has friends again, and continues to pray for true forgiveness for those who have hurt her in the past.

This woman's story is so powerful to me because I think it is a model for many around here... The idea that you see a person doing what needs to be done to live and survive the day, and the history that has brought them to this day is full of more challenges, more heartache and true need, than I can begin to wrap my American head around... It also reminds me that we cannot, we CANNOT give up on each other. The love of God communicated through a local pastor brought this woman the hope she needed to survive today, and know that she is not living for today- but she is living for a Heaven where the pain and tears of her life will be washed away and redeemed.

This woman is a gem, she is a gem in the eyes of the Lord- He healed her- and she is one of the first to praise Him for that. I am privileged to know her... and always excited when I see her genuine smile. :)

Focus

There's a pastor at my church back in the states, Kevin Twombly, who gave a message maybe a year ago even, that has helped me so much in my time here in Rwanda. Now, Kevin, forgive me if I don't get your words quite right, but it was a message on giving, on serving, and the general message was- when you're doing SOMETHING, when you're praying for discernment in where and how God wants to use you- and when you get off your tail and actually DO it, then you can be at peace with saying "no" to other requests.

Im sure you ALL can relate to being hounded at times with needs- legitimate, GOOD needs, emails asking for donations, people asking for support, homeless in your community, elderly who need visitors, advances for education, rebuilding efforts, medical research, missions that support the stop of sex-trafficking, the list goes on... In the States, I found myself struggling at times with how much to help. What was "enough?" Yet, coming from a faith that isn't based on works for salvation, but by grace, I now see that some of my efforts were "chasing after the wind." 

The works God cares about, are the works resulting from the Spirit living and working through us- and God doesn't expect us to do IT ALL because I think that makes it about us, not God. Yet, as I recently re-read "Hole in the Gospel" by Richard Stearns (and highly recommend) he pointed out the truth, that if we each did our piece in how God made us, we truly would be moving mountains- the impact on our world would be astounding...

I'm not saying we should be narrow minded, do one thing, and close our minds off to everything else, but I have battled despair here many times over the last 4 months as I look around me and constantly see so much need... I started to think "Am I doing enough?" or even "There's so much more to be done, does my small piece make a difference?"

Then God, in His calm, loving way, reminded me- I am not God. The answer is not in me, and how much I can do. The answer is praying on what God wants to do in and through me, and then praying for His Spirit to move in other people to do their small piece as well. Then, mountains will be moved.

See, back home, Kevin's message helped me because I was feeling some of what I am feeling here, when getting emails, hearing of needs for volunteers, etc. Like I had to step in and fill the need... often. 

Here, it's even more uncomfortable though- because it's not hearing secondhand of a need- it's every single day being greeted by a hungry street child, or seeing some of my women at the shop who can't manage their money well start to get desperate at the end of the month before the next stipend payment. It's knowing how rich I am (which is an uncomfortable truth for any of us Americans), and praying discernment for when to say yes, and when to say no...

I want to do WELL the mission and the piece God has me here to do- I want to focus my energies in the best ways- but I also want to communicate to whomever I can, that if you haven't found your piece, your calling, whether in your hometown or overseas, then pray- there is always much more to be done...

Pray to God- ask Him to reveal more to you about how He wants to use you- which areas you're working or serving in that are handcrafted for you, and which ones just weigh you down and make you less effective. I have to do that regularly here. Honestly, my days aren't too "remarkable" to the average eye, but the only way I can sleep at night with hungry children roaming out on the street outside my home is knowing that at this time, for this season, God is using my personality, organization, and heart of teaching to minister to these 12 lovely ladies... they deserve my focus- my intentionality... Who knows what the next chapter will hold... Life sure is an exciting journey to be on though. :)

Thank you for your continued prayers and support... 

She has sparkles in her eyes...

The ABC woman I am going to share with you about today has touched my life in ways I hope I never forget…

She is just shy if 50 years old, and wears her love for God on her sleeve.

The first day I came to ABC, and was introduced to her she gave me the most warm and heartfelt greeting. :) She smiled, thanked God for my arrival and did a little skip and dance and hummed away to herself. I had a feeling I was going to really like her.

I have gotten her story in bits and pieces, so I am sure there is more to tell, but I will do my best.

She grew up in the western province of Rwanda in a poor family of four children. Like many in her area, she did not go to school, as her family could not afford it. Rice was too expensive for them, and they ate a root from the ground we have no word for in English, because we wouldn’t consider it food…

Her parents were not Christians and were involved in witchcraft. Occasionally would attend Sunday School as something to do. At the age of 23, she got married to a poor and non-believer husband, yet it was difficult for them to earn their livings. She gave birth to four children- three boys and one girl and the cycle of poverty living continued...

I don’t know much about the early years of her marriage. In 1994 however, she lost two of her boys, and her daughter in the genocide. Her husband was involved in many of the killings and pillagings. He died as well during that same year, but after the genocide, in December.

She became separated from her fourth son, and who lives in the Congo now.

In 1995, she came to know Jesus as her savior, and turned from the ways of witchcraft that had left her so hopeless. She began traveling and discipling- sharing God’s message, as well as her testimony. She knew that with the life that she had, what mattered most was sharing the hope that she had found.

Around this time, she learned through medical testing that she was HIV positive. She developed a skin disease and became very weak. She continued to travel through the villages, often visiting weddings uninvited, just to gather the rice from the ground to bring home and cook. To this day, every lunchtime when we have rice, she eats it so thankfully, with a smile on her face and says it is a gift straight from God. :)

In 2009, her journeys brought her to Kigali, and through visiting churches she was connected to the Hope Group. This is a group that gives counsel, hope, discipleship, and work through making paper beads to people with HIV/AIDS. While she was in this group, Robin (ABC director whom I am “subbing” for) was seeking more women for the training center. This lady was put on the list for an interview.

During this time, she had grown so weak and frail. Her skin was mottled, and she had to leave for medical care. She was admitted to the hospital for one month coming very close to death. Her health slowly improved and she returned to ABC and was accepted into the training center. Her skin has slowly cleared, and she thanks God for this healing.

This lady has many gifts of the Spirit. One of the most profound being her ability to read the Bible. She had no schooling, and no formal teaching. However, due to her prayers and her passion to get the truth, she is now able to read scriptures, but has difficulty reading anything else… She (and I) consider this a miracle from God.

Every morning when we do devotions and I see her bent over the Word with dedication, I realize how many times in my life I have taken my ability and accessibility to know and to read for granted, and haven’t always embraced the treasure God has given us in the Word… It is such a gift…

In the mornings during our shop devotions time we ask for praises and prayer requests. She has always been quick to offer praises to God for his protection and provision. She is regularly singing and praising God for things I consider so “basic” throughout the day. It’s amazing, and has taught me much... 

There was an echo I was hearing in her requests for prayer. She would regularly pray to have a larger home. While I haven’t been to visit her home yet, I hear that she lives in a one room mud hut, no electricity or running water. She has a bowl, a spoon, a mattress, and a little charcoal stove as her provisions. She wants to be hospitable, to care for people in need, yet she says it is hard, because when she welcomes visitors, she is forced to sleep outside in the dirt… (As a 50 year old woman with AIDS mind you…)

It was heavy on my heart to do something, but it’s hard to justify a gift to one lady, when there’s a whole shop full of women in dire situations. I chose to pray on it and be patient…

Well, God began to move the pieces together…

Every month the ladies get paid a stipend, and have a counseling session with Robin (now me) and Charlotte- the manager- who translates. I learn about the difficulty these women have to budget their stipend, and also learn of various loans, thefts, other employment etc that desperate women will partake in to make more money.

The lady I am writing of today has the lowest rent of all of the ladies.  When I met with her on September 1, I asked her how she does with budgeting her money. She explained that the day she gets paid, she goes to the bank, and deposits half, and lives off of the other half.

Woah.

This was different from every other story I’d heard from the ladies. “Savings” is not a way that they operate. I commended her for her actions, and went on with the sessions.

A couple of weeks later, I was doing errands with Charlotte and we were brainstorming ways to improve the ladies understanding of money management. I mentioned offhandedly how impressed I was with this one lady’s commitment to save…

Charlotte then enlightened me as to more of her story…

She told me that the money that she is putting in the bank is to pay off a debt. As I mentioned prior, her husband was one of the Hutu killers in the genocide. He killed and pillaged (along with thousands of other men).

By the time various atrocities were brought to trial, her husband was dead, yet one of the "pillagings" he was apart of was one of the trials. The verdict was the any living relative was in charge of the debt.

This poverty stricken lady got hit with a 200,000frw debt. Only $333 to us- but when you consider she makes about $50 a month- you get the picture (At the time she had no work). 

She got hired by ABC shortly after praised God, believing it God's provision to help her with this cost. Over time she has put away 140,000frw, which is HUGE for someone with her pay. She has been grateful and unassuming…

Yet, all along, she has been aging, suffering from AIDS, could really use a better living situation, etc. 

Immediately as Charlotte told me this, I felt the nudge of God to bless her with some of the money you all have donated for my time here. I thought- of ALL people- she is hard working, responsible, has made IMMENSE sacrifices as an innocent, paying off something she wasn't apart of, and loving God with all her heart in the midst of it… I trusted her… I know your prayers for me have helped me to be sensitive to promptings like this… Thank you…

So, I decided that I would give it to her at "stipend time" October 1- to make less of a "big deal" about it- and to keep other ladies from asking questions and being aware.

I traded money at the bank last week, however, to have it.

Well, One day this week, after having to meet with two other ladies over a theft that had occurred, I felt a nudge I believe was from God, and told Charlotte I wanted to talk to this other lady, and give her the money.

We called her in, and I explained to her how blessed I have been to know her, how impressed I am with her dedication and wisdom in paying off this debt, and how I truly believed that God wanted her to experience some relief here at the end of her payments- and that my family and church family was providing her with the final 60,000frw ($100). 

I tear as I type because she was so gracious. She shared her praise to God for it, and how just LAST WEEK, the men had approached her at her home, and told her it had been such a long time they were going to ask her to sell her land to finish the payments. She had been praying about what she was going to do. She said it was a direct answer to her prayer. And also, the night prior she had a sweet dream that she was in a nicer home. :)

As you all made this possible, through your prayers, and financial sacrifices that allow me to be here- I thought this was a story I needed to share.

This is one of the ladies that makes the hard days worth it. Yesterday (Friday) she took the day off to travel out west to pay off the remainder of the debt. While I’ve left her name as anonymous, God knows, and if you pray for this lady with sparkles in her eyes, who has had so many barriers to an “easy” life, I know they will be heard, and she will be blessed.

I guarantee God has a special name for her in heaven…

"in their distress..."

The past few weeks have gone quickly by as my "normal" continues. Now, I don't want to connect "normal" to apathy, or boredom. Life has been anything but that- yet, can I admit on here, my "normal" is getting wearying?

 It is hard to live somewhere where so much need is right in your face. And maybe this is why short term trips are so important. A team comes, full of energy, insight, and compassion, fully throwing themselves into the people and the work, and then return home tired, yet satisfied. I thank God for those teams, and the energy that they bring. I am praying for a return of some of that energy and optimism. I could use your prayers too.

 See, lately I've been confronted by some uncomfortable situations. At first glance, and at first "telling" a picture of life here is painted as one where yes, there is pain, and suffering, and living conditions that we, as Americans, would find unacceptable, yet there is a "hope" that is spoken of. Now, I don't want to diss that notion, because truly- if I were simply to switch places with some of these people, their life outlooks, and their "hope" is probably greater than what I would muster up. Yet, as time passes, and the locals begin to trust you with their realities... a new picture emerges. It's a reality that is difficult to share, because it's not pretty, but also- I don't think it's their fault... I think it needs to make us aware of an increased responsibility.

 There is a large population of our world growing up in a culture where to survive, they must lie, steal, and cheat. Children regularly run up to me and shout "Give me money!" I have to zip my bag or else get pick-pocketed. Women say what they think you want to hear, and then act in opposition to their statements. There is a distrust of Americans, or foreigners, as they believe we are taking photos of their children and selling them for money. I get charged twice what any local would get charged at the market, based on the color of my skin.

 Women are getting pregnant thinking it will secure them a man, then they are left abandoned, with HIV, and don't know how to care for their children. This has happened among my ladies, and we spent 36 hours praying over two children that got lost overnight, simply due to being left to take care of themselves at ages 4 and 7... Thank God the children were found safe with an old woman who took them in at dark, yet who also demanded a reward before she would return them...

 My ladies suffer ridicule and chastisement at the hands of family and neighbors because they work for a "muzungu" (rich, white person). One was kicked out of her rental situation because the landlord thought she should be able to pay more than she was. (untrue) Another's mother berates her every day that "that white woman" should be paying for her nephews schooling.

It's hard not to get bitter. But it's hard to imagine I'd be any different if I grew up on the streets of Rwanda.

 It's hard to drive into the villages to visit the women, and have children run up to, and jump ON your moving car. It's hard to have to yell at them, and speed off, leaving them in the dust- all in the name of sincere safety, yet know that those children are wearing rags, and quite possibly have no one looking out for them. Yet I had to speed away?? Ugh. I never would have thought I'd do that...

It's heartbreaking to hold a toddler on my lap at the orphanage who has open sores all over the back of his head attracting flies...

 It's honestly hard not to get frustrated with the American church. Yikes. I know. Harsh. But honest. It's hard to be a part of a country that is truly SO RICH, yet where we direct our money is so temporary. It's hard to see children wandering the streets because they can't afford school, and know, if EVERY churchgoing family in America made a commitment to sponsor even just one child... some of these "street habits" that they are growing up in, could begin to be broken. Many of you, my readers, are compassionate, and giving people- and I thank you- but can you imagine if EVERY Christian American stepped up to God's call for the poor!? Wow.

 It's hard to write this without crying, because I don't want to come across as self-righteous. To be honest, if I was offered a ticket home today, I'd be tempted to go- sometimes it's too much... But then I remember the verse that I claimed upon coming here: James 1:27 "Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father is this: to care for widows and orphans in their distress, and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." This week I've thought about the "in their distress" part. That's the part that's not fun. That's the part that makes me think- God, when I prayed and sang "break my heart for what breaks yours" I didn't know what I was saying. Now, I need You like never before because there are days when what breaks your heart, is just too much for me...

 Please know, I write this with sincerity and love, but also with an urgency. What I have seen over the last 3 months lets me know we need to do more with the lives we're given. We need to do more to remember and love on this population that truly needs to be educated and prayed over. I know everyone can't physically go, but I believe in my heart, everyone can be part of a sponsorship, whether it is as a group, or something your family does, or even as an individual. It is hard to be moved to do something like this at someone else's experience and plea- I understand that. But your $1-2 a day could truly begin to make a lasting change and open your eyes to a reality we are called to see- we're living in a time where it's accessible to know- we can't claim ignorance. I can't not share the need.

 In 3 months I go home. I have a passport. I have an out. There are many here without that opportunity, simply due to where they were born. We need to help. Not create more "mini-Americas" but help with basic God-given needs. Food, water, schooling... If you can't "go" then I urge you, sponsor a child, support clean water, give a business a micro-loan... We have been given MUCH... therefore, MUCH is, and should be, required...
  Compassion International
World Vision
Global Benefit
Kiva

Normal...

Well, amazingly enough- the ways of Rwanda are becoming my "normal." :)

When I first came to Rwanda, everything was new, everything was powerful- I got the rush that comes when you leave your comfort zone, and take a risk. There was some healthy fear, uncertainty, awe, and I clung to God like never before.

I’ve experienced this kind of thing before when I have gone on “missions trips.” Whether it was one week, or two weeks; there was this overpowering sense of His presence- and a strong reliance on Him. Then, I’d go home and back to what I considered- “normal life” and find a bit of disappointment in it. I do know that not everyone feels this- so I think part of this is God saying he made me to share His love overseas- so that’s pretty cool- but I want the focus to be simply on LIVING His Love, not have it be circumstantial based on where I am. I want the joy to be present wherever my "normal" is.

As time here is passing, I am amazed to find that the things that frustrated me beyond belief when I first came are now expected, yet also- the amazement, the things that brought me such awe- are now becoming somewhat “everyday”…

Rwanda: crazy traffic, beautiful mountains, street children, bicycle taxis carrying refrigerators, more produce being walked up and down the street than you can fathom, sick women in mud huts, laughter, finicky showers, colorful clothes, rice and beans, dusty and rutted streets, abandoned babies, miracles, resourcefulness, dancing, gratitude, singing, thievery, oppression, celebration, prayer- all of this is becoming the fabric of my normal. I wake up each day, expecting the unexpected.

In America, we are given so many opportunities and resources. For this, I am thankful, but also realize that we should have much expected of us, as we can afford to sacrifice.

It gives me some discomfort as I think of my normal back home and how we spend a lot of money in conferences, books, audio-tapes, etc. learning ABOUT living life for Christ. Yet today, in Rwanda, I am surrounded by 12 women who every day rely solely on the Spirit of God, the Bible, and testimonies of their peers to live these same lives- lives of “Doers of the Word.” They amaze me with their persistence, their hope, their love- and their application. I have much to learn from their simplicity- and I need to remember to be thankful for, rather than expect, the opportunities and resources I am given...

In Rwanda, I still have days where the Lord feels so close I can touch His cloak, and days where He feels so far I cry out to heaven… I’m simply living my life, much like you.

Isn’t this the life of a Christian? Whether at home, or far away?- Searching, seeking, finding, risking, questioning, believing, and loving? The things of faith building?

While I am here- 6000 miles away from my “familiar” I pray that when I return to my “American normal” that I still seek out the opportunities right where I am. I guarantee there will be days when I’ll “feel like it” as well as days when I just plain don’t.

I have those same days here.

Same as here- somewhere near me will be a widow who would love a visit, a child who needs a mentor, a friend who appears fine yet is broken on the inside- so many that need to hear and SEE the love of the Father.

As Christians, may everywhere we step be our missions field- the neighborhood, the school, the workplace, the streets. And may we ALL be committed to lifting each other up in prayer over this.

I pray that you who read this are encouraged to make a difference in your sphere of influence, in your “normal” today. ☺

Your support and prayers are so appreciated by me. Thank you.

God Bless You :)

Rainy Day Thoughts

 

Today I am again struck by the difficulty of blogging. So much that God is doing here, He is challenging and teaching me with... What parts to share, what parts to hold between me and Him? I want to learn as well as rejoice with you all through this experience, but how to say things with tact, while also being honest to my perceptions and struggles... Interesting line...

I posted on facebook about the delivery of a healthy baby girl to one of our ladies! I did want to make sure to share that on here. That was an exciting time, and also interesting look into their reality outside of the shop. I picked the mom, Bridget, up from the hospital, along with a couple of other ladies... no car seat or sign out or wrist band check required...
We bounced along the rutted roads out to her home, where 4 of us huddled in her room/home on a twin mattress and shared a bowl of "celebration stew." She was shining and grateful- I was overcome with how little she had- yet that wasn't what her concern was with... Her baby Esther is precious...

Monday I had the opportunity to do "home visits" of two other ladies. My car wasn't working so I got the whole experience of walking out to the homes, and seeing their reality. These two women graciously received me, and we had lovely visits. Again- I was struck with their simplicity, yet generosity. The sentence that still plagues me was when Donatha U (a seamstress) asked me about my skirt- she wanted to know if it was "handmade, or secondhand?" How could I sit there and explain to her that the majority of the clothes in my closet have only been worn by me... the concept of "second hand" is certainly used in America- but not as the only other option to handmade... I simply told her it was "bought" and reconsidered my "normal"...

I am happy to say I spoke with the manager Charlotte and she said the ladies would be excited to share their stories and testimonies, so know, I am developing those to share here as well. I just want to be sure to give them justice. :)

I hope you all are well. Thank you for your considered interest and encouragement in this time God is opening my eyes to more and more every day...

"Go..."

So many times during the day I hear or experience things I feel need to be communicated... need to be shared. Then I sit down at my computer, stare at my blogging screen, and think- how can my words do it justice? How can I begin to express such moments in type...
This morning, I had another one of those times, and it gave me pause to think.

See, I think I knew when I came here that I wasn't going to be the big story. Yes, I hoped God would use me in the lives of these women, and I do believe He is-- but more than that, I think He may have me here to share the testimonies of these women to us in America... I believe we have more to learn from them, than they do from me.

Scripture calls us to spread the Word of God- to GO and make disciples of all nations, (Mat 28:19) to leave father brother, sister, mother, (Matt 19:29) and spread the word of eternal life to a thirsty and hurting world. (John 4:14)

By living in America, and the generosity of many of you, I have been able to GO. Physically. God has given me the opportunity to come, to encourage, to fill a need... I am grateful for that. But I also feel for these women, this population that lives on about 2 US dollars a day, and can only dream of a $2,200 flight - that their stories need to go across the nations too...

Rwandans are a private people. They have a thick history, and I have been told- treat anything personal you hear from them as a gift. Well, this morning 5 of our ladies were out-- either at the hospital (please pray for their health, and a coming baby) or at doctors appointments. That left for a smaller group of 8. As we read of the miracles of Jesus, the study leader asked them- "Do you have any miracles in your life you'd like to share?"
Her question was met with silence.... a LONG silence.... just as I was feeling the American need to move on from the question, a quiet voice spoke up.

Her miracle was shared...
Then another...
And another...
And another....
Until every woman sitting in that circle shared of God's clear intervention in their life- and gave Him the glory for it.
I sat there doing everything I could to keep the tears in my eyes from spilling over...

See, in America, I believe we have SO MUCH, that we rely on many, many things to meet our needs... Yet, ultimately, it is God THROUGH those things that is meeting our needs- yet I don't know if we (myself included) recognize God's hand and give him glory for them enough...

Here in Rwanda, where those THINGS and conveniences aren't as abundant, people are hurting-- it is hard to see.... Yet, there is a beauty as they also recognize the hand of God, AS the hand of God- because truly- what else could it be?? God gets the glory for healings, reconciliations, protection, provision... It's beautiful to hear of- and clear to see. There is NO denying His hand.

I am going to try, over the next 5 months, to share these stories with you that I am privileged to hear. As they don't really know what they'd be agreeing to if I asked if I could share it on my "blog" Im going to do my best to retain their anonymity as well.

I hope and pray I can begin to communicate to you some of the power of God that's evidenced in the lives of these ladies....
Their stories need to be heard... They need a way to "Go."

Resilience

A friend of mine from the States sent me this article

I read it and was again, touched by the perseverance of the people here. One thing I am finding here- which is disturbing, yet awakening, is how close death is to EVERYONE here. I've heard of many since I have come- of people close to those I am getting to know. Plus, there's the history- The women I work with survived the genocide, yet lost family members; our guard at the house is a 23 year old boy who lost his parents and sister in the genocide when he was 6 or 7- and he wandered the streets for years... I take for granted how protected we are in the states- how when people get sick, or hurt, we go to the doctor- it's often a temporary condition. Here- you don't see many elderly... I have been thankful for God's protective shield many times here in various situations...
Stories like this one, I read and remember the resilience of these people. Many times it can be discouraging not to have open casual conversation with them due to the language barrier, yet, their eyes show their history- their work ethic shows their determination- their love of God shows their hope---- it's truly amazing. And they sure are right about the roads around here!

Another glimpse into the story of Rwandan cyclists can be found here

Saturday Thoughts from Rwanda...

Saturday evening in Rwanda has come... The sun sets around 6 and being out driving after dark isn't my favorite activity, so I am in and reflecting on the past 2+weeks. July is halfway over! Wow. Amazing how time can fly- especially when weather-wise every day here is so similar. Today I was running on the road pictured here (taken a different day) and I had one of those reality checks- I'm in Africa... Clearly, this isn't breaking news :), but sometimes I think I forget about what an incredible chapter of my life this is. Today as I ran, and had children smiling, calling to me and waving along the road, dust coating my lungs every time a truck drove by, delivery boys laughing on their bicycles, trying to get me to race them.... I shook my head in wonder- thinking- Wow- this is Africa.

If you know me well, you know my community at home is important to me- not having that here has been hard, but God is showing me much about Him, and also, about how deep my friendships at home run, as I know you are praying for me, and your encouragement to me is priceless... Thank you.
I was speaking with Charlotte today- the Rwandese manager at ABC, I asked her if it would be okay for me to share my testimony with the ladies on Wednesday, while she translates. She said that yes, it would be good, and the ladies would appreciate it. She said Rwandese aren't very open with sharing their stories and how they feel- and so for me to recognize that any glimpse a lady gives me into her life is a gift... I hope and pray that my being open and honest with the women on Wednesday will help facilitate some deeper relationships to form. If you could keep that in prayer as well, I'd appreciate it.
I have been so touched to hear tidbits of their growth and questions during our devotions time. Their commitment to prayer and praise is so beautiful. As they encourage me, I pray God uses me to encourage them. We have such different reference points- yet there are moments of connection, like when God showed me the other day as we were studying Psalm 1 to share with them how verse 3 which says in speaking of one who follows after and delights in God- "That person is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither— whatever they do prospers" and how they can visualize that, especially as Rwanda is currently in the dry season, and everything is withered and dusty- versus the rainy season- and how much more lush, alive, and beautiful it is when there is water- just as we are when we are walking in God's ways and truths- when we are being fed and revived- we then have His hope and strength. They seemed to respond to that with understanding and smiles. I thank God for the connection :)

Well, that's all for tonight. I pray you are all having a great weekend.

Psalm 73: 23-26

Mwiriwe! (Good Afternoon)

I greet you with this picture of Adele- one of the beautiful women of the training center prepping the stove for the day.

I hope that this post finds you well. :) One week ago I started my journey here, to Rwanda, and today, I am beginning to feel more comfortable with the ins and outs.

It's been a lot to take in- between absorbing the cultural differences, to learning about the ladies at the training center, to learning how to run a business (orders, deliveries, inventory, bills, overseeing, quality control, creativity, finances...) Thankfully there are a couple of wonderful Rwandese women in place, one as a manager, and one who is helping with finances, who will help me out. :)

THEN, there's navigating the roads- learning where things are- "where the streets have no names." Trying to remember the parts of town I want to go to, the parts that I don't... Discovering that in Rwanda there is no "I'll take that list to the market and get it all." There's "well, I'll try X first" then I'll go to "Y" and then on the way back swing into "Z." Yet, I use the phrase "swing into" VERY loosely :) I think Rich said it well when he said driving down here is like a video game- talk about being alert CONSTANTLY! :) And hopping curbs to park... Oh Boy...

Each day I come home kinda speechless in a way. I know God is at work, and He wants me here- but I am learning that I am going to be clinging tightly to Him. :) Not out of panic, rather, in a good way- a way I should be feeling at home- out of need and gratefulness with thanksgiving for His constancy.

I am so thankful that, in the moments when I miss loved ones at home, and feel homesick for the familiar- I can go to God, and He does comfort me. Today I read in Psalm 73:23-26

Yet I am always with you;
you hold me by my right hand.
24 You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will take me into glory.
25 Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
26 My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.

Isn't that beautiful??? And it's so true. His is the wisdom that I seek when I don't know the answer, His is the hand that I hold onto on unfamiliar streets- His is the heart I want to please by loving His people who are so in need... His is the truth and love I pray for others to receive- both here and at home. He has never failed me. :)

Today I had the opportunity to go over to a meeting of "The Hope Group" a group of women with HIV/AIDS who gather once a week in the afternoon to make paper beads to sell. They get counsel in the truth and love of God, as well as help with their health bills. These women prayed and while I have no idea what words they said, my whole body was overcome with goosebumps, and the feeling of the love that God has over them. It was beautiful. Women from our ABC training center go over during this time, and I am excited to have them display and sell their beads in the shop. A small way of sharing their story and helping their needs.

There's always so much to share... Thank you for following in my journey. If you could pray my time here would indeed be a blessing to others and according to God's Will, I'd be grateful.

Murakoze cyane! (Thank you very much)

Why I am here...

Today was quite a day, I know I posted in the morning, but I can't help but share that today I was face to face with the reminder of why I am here...

After Robin and I did office work at ABC this morning, we did a home visit with Charlotte (Rwandan manager and translator) to the home of Jacqueline- one of the ladies in our training center. She is from "the village" and walks an hour into work every day to get training, hope, and a stipend necessary to live...

We drove down these roads...



Made it across this "bridge"...



Were greeted by this group of children...



Walked these paths...




To this two room home of Jacqueline, one of the girls being trained at ABC...



She and her children could not have been happier to receive us...





It was good for me to see (while also heart-breaking) that this is their EVERY DAY. Jacqueline is so grateful, because sadly- this is truly better... This lifestyle, this home is better than what she has had before... I thank God she is off of the streets- While her blessing is a life I can't even imagine- I am so glad and humbled that I'm being given the opportunity to touch their lives, to pray for them and in their homes, to keep my perspective and heart on the things that matter so much to God...

God- protect Jacqueline- show me how to care for her and these other women whose lives are so different from what I have grown up in...

Liberation Day

Happy Independence Day! It's "Liberation Day" here in Rwanda- The day the Rwandan Patriotic Front moved into Kigali, bringing an end to the genocide of '94. This morning, as I look out from the porch, over the hills, it's hard to believe that 17 years ago- when I was 13 years old, and excited about all things an American teenager is excited about-- this country, this land which I now walk the streets of daily was so gripped with horror, pain, and suffering.



I am thankful for today. I am thankful that in America, we celebrate our freedom- that truly is a blessing. I am thankful for Rwanda, that they have been able to come so far, and move beyond the hurt and devastation that existed here 17 years ago. These people and their raw way of living, have a grip on me...


Yesterday (Sunday) I spent having a more relaxing day. We went to a church service in the morning that was 2+ hours long. :) It was an English speaking church full of people from all over the world. Afterwards, we got lunch then came home and relaxed.

This morning, ABC is closed, so Robin and I are going to go in to do office work. There's LOTS to learn in a short time. This afternoon we are going to do a "home visit" to one of the ladies who is being trained at the center. I am really looking forward to that. Learning about these women, their lives, and what they have been protected from due to God's grace and this training center is what I am most excited about. I can't wait to see how God wants to use me in their lives!

Have a wonderful day!

Day One!

 

Boy, are my feet tired! It is 5:25 here, and Robin and I got back from the African Bagel Company about 1/2 hour ago. What a great- Rwandan day! I woke up this morning to the sounds of birds and chickens (as well as my alarm clock- jet lag is crazy).
At 7:30am we were ready to head over to the company, just to have the car not start... the other vehicle was out of commission... So, we called another missionary house and walked up the road to drive to ABC with them. They were a crew of 25 arriving as customers, so we walked in and got right to work! My bag was still slung over my shoulder an hour or so later because I didn't have a minute to set it down before processing orders!! It was amazing. The women who have been trained at the center were there since 5 or 6 in the morning. Bagels were fresh, doughnuts warm and dripping with glaze, coffee brewing... Quickly the patrons were out on the lawn enjoying breakfast, and the line kept rolling.

I was so impressed at the work ethic, joy, and quality the women were producing. I quickly learned that Charlotte (in the picture to the left) is quickly going to become my right-hand lady. She is the Rwandan manager and can translate, and works HARD. I am so pleased God set her in that position!

Robin was amazing, a wealth of information. I am a bit in shock right now at all she and Rich have established. It's going to take a lot to keep it all running, but I know- with the peace of God, and working a bit each day, it will happen!!! They are hard workers.

I can't wait to spend more time this next week getting to know the women, and their stories-- seeing how we are going to work in each others lives.

I have such peace today... while I am ridiculously tired... and a bit overwhelmed--- this is what I'm supposed to be doing with my life.

Thank you for all of your support and encouragement!

oh, and ps- of course, the doughnuts and bagels are delicious. :) :)