Grateful for Another Journey...

A week goes really fast. Really, really fast. It's Wednesday evening and Sunday feels like it was yesterday... each week I am excited for Friday, and each week Friday comes. A week is short. Too short.

While it will be short, I am SO thankful for the opportunity to be going to Haiti for a week in 2011. February 26th to be exact. But the thing is, on March 5, I'll be home.... I'll have left the chaos, destruction, longing eyes of children and unpredictability. I'll be back in my comfortable, predictable home with images etched in my mind of a world that is so far from my reality... All in a week's time... I want February 26th to come quickly, and March 5th to take it's time... I have too much to learn, too much to love, for that short amount of time. But I know I can't change that, and I am grateful for what I have.

I am anticipating, and so greatly looking forward to this week on a calendar in 2011. I am going to Haiti with a team from my church. We met on Sunday and talked about how despite our best intentions and efforts, when we depart Haiti on the 5th, Haiti won't be drastically different... Will we touch hearts and lives? We pray so.... Will Haiti change us? Absolutely.

My prayer is that I'd surrender to what God wants to do with me in Haiti, that people there ARE blessed by our coming, and that Haiti will change me in a way that doesn't remain in Haiti. I pray that the little good God allows me to do there through encouraging or praying for someone, leaks into my life here which I allow to get so dangerously "ordinary." I pray that it isn't a WEEK in Haiti that stands out to me about 2011, but I pray that God might use that week to show me more of what He wants from me in my "ordinary." How God wants to use me to bless others in the time and place He has me in.

Some have asked if they can support me financially. Thank you, I am humbled. I will put that information below.

I do ask, however, more than anything--if you pray-- for your prayers. Specifically that the lives we are ministering are touched with God's love. Prayers that they are encouraged, and the Haitians that we work alongside would get the accolades for the visible work that is accomplished. Prayers for me personally, that this trip helps me know more of God's plans for March 5th and beyond.

Thank you and God Bless you.

Please make checks payable to:

Grace Capital Church

memo: Haiti (put my name on a separate note)

Mail to:

Grace Capital Church

542 Pembroke St.

Pembroke, NH 03275

"We see from where we stand" -Haitian Proverb

2 years ago I started this blog. I had a heart's desire to Live Wide Awake. I had begun to realize that my "normal" is not normal... That God has given me abilities, and has placed me in America in this time to be His hands and feet. I will preface this by saying I have a long way to go to reach my potential- I am a work in progress just like everyone else :) but today I had an experience that brought me to tears for many reasons. It is evidence to me that God is blessing my desire to Live Wide Awake- to live consciously and purposefully- and I want to thank Him for the opportunity. Today I was given opportunity to join a community as we mourned the loss of a friend. Billy.

In December of 2009 I started serving at the homeless shelter in Concord. It is a cold weather shelter for our community members who live in tents through the "warmer" months. I had gotten to know some of this population through a street church ministry- and I wanted to know their reality better- to be Awake to their "normal."

As the months passed I got to know the guests well. There was one man in particular, yes-Billy, who made an impression on me. Each week he greeted me with a fierce face, that melted into a grin- and a robust "Hi Smiley!!!!" While the shifts there weren't always easy- they always went quickly with Billy around. He, a few other regulars, and I would sit in card table chairs from 6-10pm telling stories, laughing, or sometimes sitting in comfortable silence. He was always quick with a joke, as well as being alert to the 30 minutes that would pass signifying a smoke break. He was one of my "go-to guys" who would step into a conflict and talk people down... Billy. A man who had many conflicts in the daytime, but knew not to bring them to the shelter at night.

It was no secret that alcohol was a demon in Billy's life. Sobriety was a dream he chased. A dream he'd achieve, just to fall again... Alcohol is what finally took his life... When sharing life stories with me Billy often told me that he had a rough past. He wouldn't go into many details, but he'd share that he had hurt many people. Thing was, he had also helped many... I hope he realized that.

Billy's service was a Wide Awake experience I am forever grateful for- to remember and honor Billy's life alongside his friends. As I sat in the church pews alongside a community that I didn't know just over a year ago- I was humbled. I was humbled that while being an outsider, they don't make me feel like an outsider. There were many friends from the street who I was able to greet and sit alongside. I was honored that they accepted my presence so naturally. It made me remember the importance of reciprocating that love to them...

I am grateful to be able to have considered Billy a friend. Now I know I don't understand the ways of the homeless intimately- and to be honest, I thank God for that. But I am humbled that God allows me to know some of His children, who are outside of my normal "bubble" of life. I am grateful to hold hands with people who walk a life I don't understand- but love and pray for them just the same.

I write this as a way to remember and honor Billy. I am one who can say that I am better for having known him. But I also write this in hopes that it encourages you. Take a look beyond your "normal" and you will see a world in need. A world in need of something you have to offer- and you will discover in the process, that within you, something is filled- some place is filled that you didn't know needed filling, as God works through you.

**Inspiration**

When I was 15 I met Steve Sawyer. He taught me of his faith. His testimony is what changed my heart to want to truly know God. I will forever be grateful for Steve's life and love of others.

Click here for his story.

God Bless.

*Sea Glass*

I am blessed to be a part of a ministry that serves the homeless and less fortunate in our community by providing for some of their material needs, as well as their spiritual needs. This morning I was given the opportunity to speak Truth and encouragement in their lives. This is what I shared:

"This morning I gave to you an item. Can anybody tell me what it is?

(Beach glass.)

Who knows how it is formed?

(broken glass tossed in the wind and rocks)

This year on a beautiful day in early March I went out to the coast to spend some time with the Lord. I had been feeling bogged down, and too much in my own head. My questions of God were getting in the way of my worship of God. My prayer time had been consumed with asking Him why? Asking Him how long? Asking him to change my circumstances. To be honest, I felt forgotten. My goal in going out there was to bring back my Love for Jesus. To forget my questions… to simply focus on Him and who He is.

You see, many times we are so mistaken when we think we can go about life, keep up with the pace of our schedule and the everyday, and still keep a relationship alive with the lover of our souls. I have been taught that we cannot simply drift into an authentic, life changing relationship with Jesus. It takes time, it takes intentionality; it takes a re-commitment every single day.

Now there are many things we CAN drift into. Left unchecked our minds can drift into worry, our focus can drift to the tv, our hearts can drift to envy, our attitude can drift to anger, our habits can drift to be addictions… With the enemy at large, he is working to distract you- to take your minds focus off of Jesus, and drift into all of these places of despair. God, however, wants us to GROW, and that is a choice- it is an act of the Will.

You may ask, well- How do you grow? Personally, I make the choice to get deep in His Word every day. This is something you can do too. I meditate on scripture to keep my mind from drifting. Some days I take time off of my routine and go someplace, not always the ocean- sometimes a bench downtown, or a rock by the river, and I pray… I remember that Jesus said, in John 15:9-17:

“I have loved you even as the Father has loved me. Remain in my love. ¹⁰ When you obey my commandments, you remain in my love, just as I obey my Father’s commandments and remain in his love. ¹¹ I have told you these things so that you will be filled with my joy. Yes, your joy will overflow! ¹² This is my commandment: Love each other in the same way I have loved you. ¹³There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. ¹⁴ You are my friends if you do what I command. ¹⁵ I no longer call you slaves, because a master doesn’t confide in his slaves. Now you are my friends, since I have told you everything the Father told me. ¹⁶ You didn’t choose me. I chose you. I appointed you to go and produce lasting fruit, so that the Father will give you whatever you ask for, using my name. ¹⁷ This is my command: Love each other.

I read that and I can’t help but worship. He tells us to be filled with his JOY. When is the last time you were filled with JOY? He has promised that if we cast our cares on him- he will care for them… Cast them… Do we have anyone who’s fished here before?

What does it mean- to cast?

Yes- Throw as far as you can. Picture taking your worries and CASTING them. Take your worries and CAST them to your Heavenly Father.

The same Heavenly Father who Loves you enough to lay down his life for you.

And as you grasp this, as you understand the fullness of what this means, you will then find joy in doing the same… Surrendering your life, laying your life at the foot of the cross and telling Him to do with it what He will.

This is the place I was on that day in March. I was surrendered, I was exhausted, and I cast my cares onto him. There was a cool March breeze blowing so I didn’t walk long amongst the rocks, but as I was walking, I began collecting glass- the same glass that you hold in your hand. And I believe that God impressed something on my heart that day that I want to share with you.

Each of you take your glass and rub it through your fingers…

No one is calling out for a band-aid… no one is getting hurt. God told me that day that this glass represents me- this glass represents anyone who has found Christ.

See, there was a time when I was a bottle (show)- I was unharmed, perfect, straight from God- that day was the day I was born. Ever since that day though, things have broken me. People I loved have died, friends I trusted betrayed me, dreams I had, got shattered. My bottle broke as a result of my own sin, as well as the sins of others.

Now, if I stayed in that place, if I had drifted along, if I remained broken- I would be in a place where my hurt, would then transfer to hurting others. People I would come into contact with, would be affected negatively by me- I would create more wounds.

By the Grace of God, however, I have made a choice. I have made a choice to be made new by God. This process though, is not easy. This process involves surrendering my “why?” questions. In my surrender, God takes my brokenness and allows me to be tossed, rolled, rubbed and even knocked into the sides of cliffs at times to make me useful to Him. The result, like this piece of glass, is beauty. My edges are softened.

People like myself scour beaches for sea glass, display them on shelves- appreciate the beauty of something old and broken, becoming something smooth, and beautiful.

The glass broken along Main street is often left there, or gathered by street sweepers. No one flocks to city streets hoping to find sharp broken glass. Without having the turmoil, and grinding of the waves, that glass sits in peace- after being broken, it remains unchallenged- and is good for nobody.

I tell you this today, my brothers and sisters, because I know some here are feeling broken. Some here just want the peace that comes without the waves of life- but know, our God- our God who loves us, who laid down his life for us, for me, for you, is a God who allows these times of trial to shape us- to grind us to the size and shape He wants in order to fulfill His will for us.

I know it is not always easy. I haven’t walked in your shoes but I have cried many tears as God has brought me through His Will for me- but I would also want NO OTHER JOURNEY. And for you, I want your brokenness, your pain, to be used by God. No promises it will be easy, but it will welcome the eternal Love of Jesus. It will guide you to an everlasting life with the lover of your soul.

When God tells his people in Jeremiah 29 11-14 he says:

¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. ¹² In those days when you pray, I will listen. ¹³ If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. ¹⁴ I will be found by you,” says the Lord. “I will end your captivity and restore your fortunes. I will gather you out of the nations where I sent you and will bring you home again to your own land.”

He has plans for GOOD, not disaster. Now remember, disaster and trials are different. Disaster implies something that you can’t get out of or away from. We need Him for our trials not to be disasters. God does and WILL allow trials into our lives, but where we are blessed, where we find hope, is that the trials are NOT the end of our story. When we keep our eyes on Jesus and following His commands, there is Hope and a Future.

The reward is more than worth the discomfort. I know you may feel broken this morning but I urge you- Don’t stay where you are. Allow God to change your heart. Join me in my desire to stop questioning, and let us allow God to use our brokenness to bring beauty and to touch the lives of others. Keep this glass as a reminder that He Loves you and He wants to use you. CHOOSE Him. Get in the Word, follow His teachings, He wants to shine and be seen through YOUR life.

*Poem*

Where I’m From

Rachel Carter

I am from Oatmeal on Wednesday, Eggs on Tuesday

From searching for wampum, and the kiss from mom

I am from full days and early bedtimes

From rainy day bike rides and walks after dinner

I am from I love yous and I’m sorrys

From sugar on snow and the smell of wood smoke

I am from Pancakes on Sunday and Cereal on Friday

From sweatshirts and woodstoves and shucking corn

I am from tractors and wood-splitters... typing practice

From sounds of chainsaws all summer long

I am from hauling brush with brother and feeding chickens

From basketball and cross country skiing

I am from Cream of Wheat Monday and French Toast Thursday

From gravel driveways and skinned knees

I am from roller-skating Saturday nights

And "It is Well with my Soul" Sunday mornings

I am from Mr. Nice Guy and homemade cookies

From goats in the kitchen and matchbox cars

I am from Mrs. Murphy’s fresh Doughnut Saturday

From Baptism in the Holy Spirit, to an outstretched hand...

Song for 2010

This song speaks so deeply to my heart.- Changed

We can all make a difference...

This morning I was asked to give the message at the street church, Reach4Hope that I am a part of. We give a message and have prayer followed by assisting with the material needs of the homeless, or needy in our community. This is what God put on my heart to share:

1 Peter 3: 8-12a Summing up: Be agreeable, be sympathetic, be loving, be compassionate, be humble. That goes for all of you, no exceptions. No retaliation. No sharp-tongued sarcasm. Instead, bless—that's your job, to bless. You'll be a blessing and also get a blessing.

Whoever wants to embrace life

and see the day fill up with good,

Here's what you do:

Say nothing evil or hurtful;

Snub evil and cultivate good;

run after peace for all you're worth.

God looks on all this with approval,

listening and responding well to what he's asked;

I share this word with you today because each week we come here in the hopes to meet your physical needs, yes, but more than anything, to show you God’s love.

Its not pretty but I know that I would be living much more selfishly and judgementally if it weren’t for someone in my life who took the time to show me Gods love, which is what we’re here to show you. I don’t have all the answers, but I have faith and I believe in God’s love for me- and in God’s love for you. I believe this because when I was 15 my parents brought me to a church where God used a 21 year-old hemophiliac who had contracted AIDS through a blood transfusion to show me what God’s Love looked like.

His name was Steve and he had a heart for God like none-other I’ve met to this day. While he was battling a disease that wastaking his life away a bit more each day, somehow he found the strength to reach out to the high school kids at his church, and become a friend to us- to become a friend to me. He cheered at our sporting games, he checked in to see how things were going at home. He would meet up with us for meals. He did things to show that he cared. He reached out beyond his problems.

Steve showed me that God uses EVERYONE. God has a purpose and a plan for each one of us here. Steve was up against more struggles than anyone else I knew- yet he found time to love as Jesus did.

Whether you’re employed, or not, homeless, or in a home- God can use you. God WANTS to use you. He knew where you would be today. He knew from the day you were born what path your life would take. He hasn’t always said it would be easy- but he has promised to be WITH US.

Our trusting him shows us we believe in him. Our stepping out in faith and helping a stranger, forgiving and praying for someone who has hurt you- these are things that we ALL can do to begin to show His Love. God sent Jesus because he knew we would mess up. He loves us and wants to use us despite our history.

Wherever you are at in life, I KNOW God has a plan for you. If you claim God’s love and step out in prayer for a neighbor- THAT makes a difference. If you sit down at a table over at the kitchen and extend an ear as a support to someone who needs it- THAT makes a difference. When you begin to tell people it is because of God’s Love for you that brings you to Love them- THAT makes a difference that lasts an eternity.

Yes, I was fortunate to grow up in a Christian home, but it wasn’t until I saw God’s love displayed through Steve that I realized I hadn’t truly been getting it. I needed to ACT OUT what I put my faith in. If Steve, a 21 year-old hemophiliac with AIDS could make the time to think beyond his own problems to the cares and concerns of others- Then I knew I needed to surrender my selfishness every day.

I still battle judgment and selfishness, and I know there are things in your life that you are confronted with every day too. My prayer is that you would look to what you CAN do.

We all can pray, we all can listen. Let’s extend each other Grace. We’re in the middle of a long, cold winter. If Jesus were here, I believe he would be happy to be at this van, meeting needs. But lets take this love beyond the material gifts of this morning. Let’s show each other this grace and understanding during the week. When you’re cold, hungry, tired- annoyed with trying to find work. TRUST that God is going to use you, if you have a heart open to his direction.

Many of you have touched my life already. Whether here, or talking at the First Church shelter. I see a family amongst many of you. I see that you look out for each other. Keep it up and do it with the strength of God.

My life was forever changed because someone looked beyond himself. I pray we can do that for each other as well.